Hey kid,
Boy, you missed another wild one today. Your Ma had to go pick something up at The Poultry Queen’s house and some of us decided that we would go along for moral support. This included all of the dogs. The Gentleman went along, not for moral support, but rather so he could drive. So he was in the driver’s seat, your Ma was riding shotgun, I was sitting behind The Gentleman, with Mabel beside me. Behind us was Artie, Zeke and Gracie Lou, who had taken over the spot by the window so that she could sniff the wind along the way. Abi Gale was contentedly laying in between the middle seats and Moo was just all over the place. First she was in the back, moving from person to person and then she trampled over Abi Gale in her desire to get closer to the front. We had just started out down the road when we noticed something rather unusual about the first occupied house we came to. Since the no-longer-new neighbors moved in down there that place has been a hot mess. For awhile it had looked like they were trying to build a literal mountain of trash in their yard. Then in the last year or so we had noticed the pile had gradually begun to shrink but the yard was still pretty chaotic. Mostly likely because the couple that owns it are probably tired all of the time from chasing their little people around. But today, when we drove by, the difference we saw was striking. The yard was completely cleaned, mowed and trimmed. There wasn’t even a toy in sight.
What really raised the hairs on my arms though was the fact that every single window in the place is closed over and sealed with some kind of dark brown covering, on the inside. Between that and the lack of anything personal laying around, it gave the entire place this bizarre feeling of wrongness. Your Ma, ever the optimist, said, ‘I wonder if the neighbors are moving?’ I looked back at Artie and knew instantly that he and I were on the same page as to the possibilities of what is likely going on. The neighbors probably haven’t moved. If you ask me, I think they are probably dead and buried in their very own basement. Drained of their very lifeblood by those who are now occupying their house-vampires. It’s the only thing that makes sense. Those people didn’t suddenly wake up on day and decide to clean everything up to perfect condition. They didn’t suddenly develop super powers enabling them to have an excess of energy to be able to work their jobs, raise kids and suddenly be able to maintain their property to that level…. Although I suppose that could be possible. But vampires are for sure the most likely option that I am seeing here. Regular people aren’t just going to seal off all of the windows in their house against the threat of daylight. And they obviously aren’t moving because otherwise there would have been a for sale sign in the yard and there was not. Nope, those people are toast. May God have mercy on their souls.
I had just turned to Artie to discuss my concerns about a coven of vampires moving into the neighborhood when all of sudden the van started revving up and the needle shot up into the red zone. If I had not already been convinced that there were vampires, that would have done it for me. Even the van’s defense system knew that we needed to get away from that place. That was when I heard Artie mumble something under his breath.
I once again turned back to him, but I had barely gotten my mouth open to speak before I realized that Artie looked awfully pale himself. Ashen I think would be the right word to describe the color on his face. Before I could ask him what was wrong he whispered, ‘Saturnyn Water-Vampires.’ What?! Here I thought we were on the same page and here is Artie thinking that we have the Saturnyn Water-Vampires from Doctor Who hanging out in the neighborhood? I know that he thinks that Doctor Who is some kind of Alli May style time travel documentary, but seriously? What is that man thinking? We couldn’t have Saturnyn Water-Vampires here. There’s not enough water close by. And I would like to think we would have noticed if they were evacuating large quantities of dirt out from under the house to create a place for the water to go. There is a drainage ditch nearby by I really don’t think that that has nearly enough water in it for the needs of the Saturnyn Water-Vampires. Even in Doctor Who they took up residence in Italy right on the water for goodness sakes.
Right around this point I turned back towards the front, just in time to see, but not stop Moo, who had decided in that moment to launch herself right onto The Gentleman’s lap as he was driving us down the road. My body automatically jerked in response trying to grab her before it was too late, without success. She landed right there square in his lap, much to his and your Ma’s surprise. Thank God there was no oncoming traffic right then or some of us might have been goners. The Gentleman was able to keep us on the road, and he did manage to mostly stay in our lane, but there was a second there where we were hanging right on over the line there. He was pretty quick about getting us straightened out and your Ma took that opportunity to swoop up Moo and get her out of the drivers seat, proving once again that although Moo might think that she is in charge, your Ma is the one calling the hard shots.
Your co-conspirator,
Frank
Image created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with Google Gemini.
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