Agent E
Situation Report
The situation is dire. It has been concluded that the functionality of both the attic and basement in this facility is inadequate for the current and future needs of the collective operatives. I have submitted a complete situation report to the Prime Commander in regards to these failings. With the cumulative needs of the base family and collective of invisible friends, it is my recommendation that we move to upgrade to a new larger high security facility as soon as possible. The storage needs at the Whispering Inkwell far exceed it’s limited capacity. I honestly do not know how this facility is still standing. Mabel credits the Prime Commander for her nearly magical ability to create a space and home for all of us who live and have lived here, while maintaining the heart of the home. (Although Mabel went on for several minutes, in much more flowery speech than you will ever hear me echo.) Although Mabel may view the Prime Commander as some sort of domestic sorceress, you and I both know that that cannot be the case. I have considered however, a more plausible alternative to this possibility. And that is that the Prime Commander may in fact be alien in origin.
I submit as evidence of this theory: First, the Prime Commander has successfully bypassed standard Euclidean physics. (Which is more than ironic since she came from Euclid.) Her ability to maintain the sheer volume should not have been possible without a resulting structural implosion. Second, her ability to compartmentalize and “fit as much stuff” as she has – with all the diverse needs and equipment of the residents – suggests that she is utilizing a never before classified form of molecular compression. My research suggests that she is one of two most likely alien species:
First and most likely, I submit the hypothesis that the Prime Commander is of Galifreyan lineage (A Time Lord.) Which would further explain her wild swings of energy in a way that cannot be explained by any human standards. Further, my observations of her suggest that she views time and space as fluid concepts rather than firmly fixed barriers. I submit as evidence of this, my observations of her ‘walking the Jericho’ where she has specifically mentioned that she knows that she is always joined in prayer by others, regardless of time or location.
Second and less likely, she could be utilizing a form of bottomless satchel energy. If that is so, she could be a descent of Populantis. Interestingly in this case, she does have a grandmother whose first name was Mary. This however seems less likely, as I have never before seen a isolated location for item storage and retrieval. The sheer size itself lends once again to the Galifreyan lineage. Historical records indicate that the Poppins are generally limited to small, satchel sized items for small moves of individual entities. If the Prime Commander ever produces a coatrack however, out of her morning coffee cup… I will naturally update the mission log.
But I digress, regardless of the Prime Commander’s heritage, it is my personal recommendation that we relocate the residents to a new base of operations as soon as possible. I believe that the local farmers may be secretly working with a different alien species with the intention of poisoning the Prime Commander. Her health and leadership is at stake and must be viewed as the highest priority at this time.
I am aware of the high stakes of your current secret mission. You needn’t fear, I will watch over the Prime Commander as if she were my own flesh and blood and continue the efforts for evacuation. I will also begin the plans for the requirements of a new location. There simply must be more room for the residents to spread out, rather than exhausting the energies of the Prime Commander. I don’t know how Time Lords energy works to expand and contract, but we must be diligent for the sake of the mission and the Prime Commander. I believe that the best way to do this is by clearing the way for a new base, eliminating unnecessary supplies and making plans for a larger base where we will be able to stockpile supplies that are actually essential.
Artie Vigil
Chief of Tactical Logistics &
Extraterrestrial Liaison
Final Note: I have noticed a random ‘fox’ lurking around here recently. I have reason to believe that it be working in the league of squirrels and have commenced undercover operations for monitoring for invasions. Have submitted an appeal for Non-Human Intelligence monitoring units.
Images created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with Google Gemini
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