Dude!
I know you may not understand this, but I just want you to know that I really think this is for the best. I tried. I really tried. But you just don’t know what it’s like around here.
We tried to have another meeting to discuss party ideas and I’m telling you man, it was just getting out of control. You can’t even imagine.
Mabel‘s a great lady you know? She genuinely cares about everybody here at The Whispering Inkwell. She’s always available to listen, to get a hold of Frank, grab him by the ear, dragging him off and out of trouble when necessary. But her idea of a party? It’s not your and my idea of a party dude. Mabel’s creative budget friendly suggestion was that we host a semi formal tea party with actual crumpets man. Can you imagine? Having to dress up and eat little cucumber sandwiches with crumpets and tea. So gross. She also wanted to invite the League of Dimensional Decorum! Can you imagine?! That would have been crazy. I shudder to think what would have qualified as entertainment with the League there. I just wasn’t sure that we could handle that I’m just saying.
Then we had Zeke‘s suggestion was that we have a night of ‘literary entertainment’. Dude, do you even know what that is? Because I had no idea. Your Ma had to explain it to me. I didn’t understand most of what she said but it did explain why Zeke wanted to invite the literary group that he hangs with. Apparently it was so that they could come and read us their personal works as well as “great literary dialogues “. At that point, I didn’t even want to know what his food suggestion were to go with that scenario.
Then there was Frank…. Dude, you just cannot even imagine. Frank’s suggestion was that we all read the book How to Win Friends and Influence People before the party. Then invite his imaginary book club to come over so that we could all practice the principles of ‘how to win friends and influence people’ at the party. I cannot even tell you how obsessed with this book he is right now. It’s crazy. He walks around quoting Dale Carnegie like he’s some kind of next level guru. He’s driving me out of my mind.
Steve’s suggestion was that instead of hosting a party in the first place, we could all join him for some kind of journalism conference in Lansing. I’m sure that would’ve been a snooze. But, he did give me an idea.
Don’t even get me started on Artie. That man is straight up crazy. He wanted to do a mini version of Boot Camp and set up tires and obstacle courses for us all to go through in the middle of the night and call it a party. And his solution for food? Brace yourself for this one. Bug. Yes, actual bugs. His argument was that it fit all of the criteria. It was creative. Yeah, in a horrible way. It was free, because we already have everything we would need to be able to do an obstacle course including old tires and rope. And that there are bugs everywhere in the yard that wouldn’t cost anything and we could just roast them over a campfire for maximum crunch. Seriously? What is the matter with this man? Why would he even think any of us would even remotely go for that?
I have no doubt that Alli May would’ve had some wild crazy ideas to add to this mix, but she ran off to see if she could sneak in to the signing of the declaration of independence and isn’t back from 1776 yet.
Ma would have tried to come up with something brilliant if she wasn’t so exhausted. Trying to work basically six jobs, most of which are still unpaid is taking a lot out of her. It’s tough for her to attempt to even be a functional human some days.
So, in the interest of preserving my own sanity…yours as well, don’t get me wrong, I motioned that we hold off on party planning until further notice and instead plan for a Whispering Inkwell style movie event. You know, fire up the grill for the burgers and beans. Build a whole set up of goodies for snacking. Chips, popcorn, M&M’s (for those who can eat them.), hopefully some cookies or other dessert type foods and plenty of soda and ice water to wash it all down. Then pull the drapes, and fire up the tube.
I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly everyone jumped on the bandwagon with this idea. (Maybe it was just because they figured that if we couldn’t decide on something Frank would come up with something even wilder and crazier than before.) That should have been my first sign that the other shoe had yet to drop. But in that moment, I was just so thankful that we had finally come to some kind of agreement that I ignored that little voice in my head that said that they had given way too easily. Clearly I had forgotten the 5th rule. Remember who you live with.
It didn’t take ten minutes before that rule ripped off my rose colored glasses and flaunted itself with clarity before my eyes. (Can you feel the eye roll from there?) How could I have forgotten to take into account the group of very different, very OPINIONATED, people that call The Whispering Inkwell home? Why didn’t I consider that each one of these people would have a very different idea of what this movie event should look like? Not to mention, how did I fail to take into account Frank?
Your “Favorite”,
Colt
Image created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with ChatGPT
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