Hey En,
Man, you would not believe the ruckus around here right now. Ma and I had to go hide out in her office just to get far enough away so that we could hear ourselves think. Jeepers. It all started when Ma asked for suggestions regarding your ‘welcome home soirée’. Miss Mabel proposed that your party should have a ‘unifying motif’, (a theme) or it ‘would be missing the very backbone of a proper celebration.’ She then launched into the unifying motifs that she thought would be the ‘most appropriate’ as well as ‘capture your interests’. The first one she came up with she called a ‘Lone Star Soirée.’ As best as I could tell, it involved obtaining a floating dance floor, calling up everyone we know and inviting them to come. Under the proviso that the men had to wear suits with bolo ties and cowboy hats and the women had to wear ballgowns. There was talk of hanging lights around the dance floor and she asked if there was any kind of classical country band that we could hire for the occasion. Once she started talking about white fabric tablecloths with gold runners and making custom lanterns with Texas rangers symbols on them, Ma decided that she had better step in and run intervention and remind Mabel that even if we wanted to, there was just no way the budget could account for that. Even if Harmony did discover the Treasure of the Flor de la Mar while she is in Indonesia, we are still not spending that kind of money or having a ball for a welcome home party. Especially since she is pretty sure that none of the women we know have oversized ball gowns just hanging out in their closets. I know Ma doesn’t have one. I had offered to pick her up an authentic Worth ballgown in 1872, as that was the height of popularity for the Worth ballgowns. She thanked me for the offer but said we were still not having a ball, especially during the height of summer.
That was when Frank spoke up and suggested that instead of a ball we should have a carnival themed event. He rattled off all of the perks that came with choosing a carnival theme. ‘There will be games, prizes, cotton candy and bright spinning lights. It will be..wait for it….legendary. And, we won’t even have to spring for a cotton candy machine.’ (Apparently he forgot we got rid of it.) As Frank’s excitement continued to build though, so did his ideas. Next thing you know, Frank is talking about doing a ring toss with a twist. The twist being that the rings are actually shaped like a rolling squirrel, (Don’t ask me, I have no idea how he thought that was going to work out.) with plush squirrels available for door prizes. (Not sure what he thought door prizes had to do with anything. I think it was supposed to have to do with the dunk tank though.) Frank decided that he would be the one in charge of the dunk tank. I got the impression that he thought he would be able to talk some of the squirrels into volunteering to be dunked? Dude’s a little cray cray you know. If the squirrels could not be persuaded than Frank himself would volunteer to be sacrificed to the dunk tank. At which point he added that if that were to be the case, he was going to wear his oversized cowboy hat and yell, ‘Yeehaw!’ Every time he got dunked into the tank. He then insisted that if we went with the carnival theme some of us would have to dress up as clowns. He himself could not sign up either way until he had had a conversation about the dunk tank with the local squirrels. He then carried on about someone learning to juggle while on stilts and getting a fire breather (because fire breathing needed to be left up to the professionals of course) and making sure that we bought lots of fireworks around 4th of July so that we would have them for the night of the party. Then he launched into a moment of speculation wondering whether or not it would be feasible to bring in a live tiger and a rollercoaster.
At this point, for one brief minute, the room was completely silent. Frank sat there, coffee cup in hand, happy smile on his face, just waiting for everyone to take in his ‘brilliant idea’. The rest of us just sat there, mouths open, with no words on how to actually respond. I looked at Frank and he smiled back at me like a Cheshire Cat. Then I looked at Ma and she looked at me, before turning to look at Mabel. Whose face was just starting to suggest that the initial shock was beginning to wear off. At least, that is what I assume was going on based on the color purple that her face was turning as a thundercloud began to form above her head.
As I turned my head to get everyone else’s take on Frank’s idea, I noticed Zeke calmly pouring Mabel a cup of tea before helping himself to a cookie and a refill of coffee. (Looking back on that moment, I think Zeke has just known Frank and Ma for so long, he just wasn’t even worried or surprised to hear this kind of elaborate plan come out of Frank. Colt was just looking at Frank like he developed a sudden growth of antlers coming out of his ears and Artie looked at Frank like he was trying to figure out what species of alien Frank might secretly be.
By the time my eyes made it back to Mabel, she was just pulling in a deep breath in a way that made it clear that the shock was beginning to fade from her system. If she had been anyone else, I would have worried that an imminent explosion was close at hand. However, having seen Mabel in action a few times with Frank already, I knew that was not how things were about to play out. Sure enough, just as the color started to stabilize in her cheeks, her mouth opened and the words that came out were as calm as the sea after a storm, with an ice that could freeze lava. ‘Frank, we are NOT hosting an event as uncouth and undignified as a carnival. If you wish to associate with fire-breathers and tigers, I suggest you do so far from this yard. And furthermore…’ At this point, Ma, bless her heart, gently cut in, ‘Mabel, do you mind if I….?’ Mabel, ever the lady that you know she is, ever so graciously tipped her head in acknowledgement while picking up her cup of tea.
That’s when Ma told Frank that although she appreciated his creativity, she didn’t think that quite fit the idea of what she was going for. Then reminded him and everyone else that this is supposed to be just a small, intimate welcome home party. (At least as small as it can be with all of us here. I know everyone is hoping to get back for it. The Whispering Inkwell will be overflowing. Reminds me a little bit of The Muppet Family Christmas. Next thing you know we are going to have to hang someone from a hanger in the closet to sleep, lol. That aught to be interesting.) Ma also reminded everybody that we certainly didn’t have the budget for all of the large, elaborate parties, so we need suggestions, theme or otherwise, that fit the budget of free or close to it-so suggestions need to be creative, not costly.
I was looking right at Frank when Ma said the word creative, and I knew instantly that that was the wrong choice of word to use in proximity to Frank. His eye’s lit up and suddenly, to my horror, I had this vision in my mind of Frank trying to direct a group of squirrels, wearing tiny tuxedos made out of old underwear, to tap dance with mini canes that he fashioned out of twigs he found on the ground……Oh, I gotta go. It’s time for me to leave for Roller Disco Chicago, 1978. Catch you later!
Your Friend Through Time,
Alli May
Image created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with Google Gemini
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