To the Entertainer,
I have been informed that this is the final large batch of correspondence to be written before your return. I had originally planned to provide a short update on the current state of The Whispering Inkwell. However, the conditions at The Whispering Inkwell have made the concept of “keeping it short” more than challenging.
Now, I do believe that Allie May intends to provide you with her version of what has come to be known as the Great Movie Debate of 2026. Since she was absent during the actual meeting, I thought it might be useful to provide a few observations from someone who witnessed the events firsthand.
Miss Mabel had one main objective before leaving for France: come up with some kind of functional, realistic plan for your welcome-home gathering before leaving the remaining residents of The Whispering Inkwell unsupervised to “figure it out” for themselves. To be more specific, before leaving Frank without her personal supervision. As for myself, I agreed that this was a reasonable concern.
The original discussion for a large party had garnered an increasing number of ideas, questions and problems. This was especially concerning because your Ma had already declared an indefinite suspension on large gatherings after the Graduation Open House. As the meetings here at The Whispering Inkwell progressed, it seemed the likelihood of reaching a workable resolution was decreasing by the day. Each suggestion was progressively more elaborate than the one before.
Then Colt suggested putting the large party aside for now and having a movie event with you and everyone here at The Whispering Inkwell instead. My initial assessment was positive. Fewer people. Existing location. Less food. Less coordination. No major hosting requirements. Ma can retreat when necessary. No need to worry about the weather. No need to put up a canopy after everyone and everything is already wet and expect it to somehow reverse the effects of the rain. Overall, a much simpler plan. Excellent. The proposal is viable. For approximately one minute, I believed the problem had been solved.
Then, Frank became enthusiastic. It was at this point that I began to consider if the problem had actually been solved or if it had just transferred the full weight of its roots to Frank. However, I tried to maintain a positive hope, futile as that may sound. I will say, to his credit, Frank has put a great deal of thought into the movie event. He has developed a detailed schedule that includes breakfast, movies, meals, snacks, bathroom breaks, dog breaks, final calls and blanket adjustments. I was initially impressed at his comprehensive level of planning. Then I analyzed the schedule.
I became somewhat less impressed when I became aware that Frank’s proposed schedule would begin at 5:00 AM and conclude at approximately 9:55PM. His breaks between movies would generally allow around thirteen to fifteen minutes for everyone to use the bathroom, let the dogs out, refill drinks, gather snacks and return to their seats. He has then allowed an additional two minutes for what he calls the “final call” and any necessary blanket or posture adjustments.
This would be an efficient system. However… I have seen no evidence that the residents of The Whispering Inkwell are capable of operating that efficiently.
There is also a new problem. Frank has realized that the schedule does not include adequate time for movie discussion, plot analysis or debate regarding plot holes. This suggests that the schedule in Frank’s original itinerary would need to be completely recalculated. I have attempted to calculate the amount of additional time this would require.
I have concluded that there are too many variables to give an objective estimate.
The length of the discussion would depend on the movie, the number of people participating, how strongly Colt disagrees with Frank, whether Artie develops a theory, whether someone mentions time travel in front of Allie May and whether anyone makes the mistake of asking Frank to explain what he would have done differently. (I would strongly recommend against this action.) While Frank’s written schedule currently ends at 9:55 PM, I do not believe the movie event would actually end at 9:55 PM. My current best estimate is approximately 3:00 AM the following morning. The other possibility is that the movie event will become a multi-day event. I consider this increasingly likely.
There are other signs that the original simple movie event is expanding. Movie suggestions have multiplied. Food requirements have expanded. An official collection of event rules has developed. Popcorn theft now carries potential prosecution. Blanket distribution by catapult has been expressly prohibited, as has indoor sword fighting involving real swords, fake swords, knives, pool noodles, real noodles or anything else that could reasonably-or apparently unreasonably-be interpreted as a sword.
I have reviewed the available rules and determined that I do not want or need to know what circumstances made all of them necessary. There are some, though, for which I have questions.
Unfortunately, Miss Mabel departed for France shortly after the original movie-event decision was made. This has left Frank with time. Time allows Frank to think. Historically, this will lead to more ideas. Potentially large, out-of-control, unmitigated ideas that could result into one of three most likely developments.
Development One: The original idea becomes an event ecosystem:
Frank doesn’t replace the movie event; he builds outward from it. Movies require discussion. Discussion requires scheduled discussion periods. Those lead to trivia. Trivia suggests games. Games need rules. Rules require an Official Rulebook. Food becomes themed food. One day becomes multiple days. Eventually somebody asks, “Weren’t we just going to watch movies?” and no one remembers when that stopped being the plan.
Development Two: Frank invents something nobody realized was an option:
This is the dangerous wildcard. He has enough time to reach the “What if…” stage. Maybe each movie gets an accompanying activity. Maybe he creates awards. Maybe there are opening and closing ceremonies. Maybe everybody gets an official Movie Event role. Whatever it is, it will sound completely logical when Frank explains the chain of reasoning that got him there, despite no other human being having followed that chain voluntarily.
Development Three: Mabel comes home:
This is the natural termination point of the experiment. She walks into the Inkwell expecting the movie event she approved and discovers that Frank has converted it into a three-day cinematic festival with a 14-page itinerary, committee assignments, a scoring system, seven scheduled meals, and an unresolved proposal involving costumes.
I have therefore begun attempting to predict what the movie event may look like by the time Miss Mabel returns. However, my projections are becoming less reliable. At Frank’s current rate of idea production, I would not be surprised if the event gains organized games, more food, additional schedules, further rules, some form of voting system and several activities that have little or nothing to do with watching movies.
I have considered informing Miss Mabel. After further analysis, I decided against it. Given that her departure for France appears to have been motivated, at least in part, by a need to recover from precisely this type of activity, I have determined that intervention should be reserved for an actual emergency. (This is evidenced by the fact that she left at such a critical time after providing the residents of The Whispering Inkwell with only VERBAL INSTRUCTIONS. This is an unprecedented occurrence. Had she remained, I would have suggested that she see a physician promptly.) Although, in regards to an actual emergency, defining what qualifies at The Whispering Inkwell remains an ongoing challenge.
Muriel’s return has added another change to the household dynamics. It has been quite some time since she has been around regularly, and her presence has been a welcome addition. I initially considered whether her return might compensate somewhat for the temporary loss of Miss Mabel’s supervision. I have since determined that it cannot. Miss Mabel’s supervision comes from a lifetime of bearing witness to what I call Frankisms. Not even just bearing witness, but also running intervention and redirection. I believe this to be a skill born of love and experience. Although I do not doubt the affection Muriel has for Frank, I have not observed anything that suggests that Muriel has the experience required for advanced-level Frankisms. I am still observing the situation, but I am not holding my breath.
Meanwhile, I have continued monitoring your Ma, who appears to be functioning within acceptable parameters despite an increasingly questionable operational environment. Miss Mabel is in France. Frank has been left with ideas and too much free time, and he is developing plans. The Woodsman has recently demonstrated that walking across the yard can apparently constitute a hazardous activity. Other members of the extended family have demonstrated similar difficulties with ordinary movement.
In my previous letter, I told you we would do our best to keep the property standing until you returned. I have an update on that. The property is still standing. The people are proving more difficult.
Nevertheless, there has been another change here that is significantly harder to quantify. Thirty days ago, your return was primarily a countdown. There was a date and an approximate number of days remaining and a general understanding that eventually you would be back. It does not feel that way anymore. Now people are talking about where everyone will sit. What movies you might want to watch. What food should be made. What games might be played. Whether there will be enough chairs. Which suggestions you will like and which ones will make you question what happened here while you were gone. Even Frank’s increasingly complicated plans seem to have the same thing at their center. You.
I have been attempting to find a way to measure the level of anticipation currently building among the residents of The Whispering Inkwell. So far, I have been unsuccessful. Apparently, some things are difficult to reduce to data. What I can tell you is that everyone knows the countdown is getting shorter.
And somewhere beneath the schedules, movie lists, rules, food discussions, competing suggestions and whatever Frank comes up with next, there is one point upon which everyone appears to agree.
We are ready for you to come home.
Best regards,
Jamison | The Weaver Scribe
(Assistant to the Author)
Image created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with Google Gemini
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