My Dear Boy,
I have been most concerned for you. How are you really doing? Are you eating enough? Are you getting enough nutrition? I have been looking at the nutritional charts for your currentโฆresidence, and itโs appalling! Where are the leafy greens? Where is the fiber?! It will be so good to have you back home where you belong. I know your father will make sure you get plenty of fiber with his heavenly slow roasted beans. Maybe even too much! If that happens, young man, I expect you to politely excuse yourself to the out of doors!
My dearest apologies dear boy for not reaching out to you sooner. I was off on my Grand Tour of the old country (Europe) and was regrettably absent the last time you were here and then after a dire overtaxing of my system, I departed for a much needed health retreat. By the time I was back in attendance (home) you had departed and My dear Author had come down with a case of the vapors like you wouldnโt believe. I tried so to convince her to call in a man of the cloth for a spiritual house cleansing. Thank the Almighty that she has finally found a little bit of relief in that regard.
Now, to give you the sordid details around here. First off, we have the absolutely appalling behavior of those so called installers. They show up outrageously late, with their heavy boots and their micro-ecosystem of smells, poking around all over the place, leaving an absolute trail of stench behind them. Then they make all kinds of promises and leave, only to never be heard from again! Can you believe such scandalous behavior?! And out of so called professionals!! Scandalous I tell you! Scandalous!
And your poor sweet little sister. Such troubles sheโs been having! In and out of these infirmaries. Sorry, I guess they call them hospitals now. What poor physicians you have in this area! So many excursions into town to see the physician only to still be ailing over two fortnights later! (A month basically.) They should be ashamed of themselves. Thank the Almighty, at least she is finally improving.
Iโve had had to take Frank firmly in hand. He has been up to all sorts of mischief. Almost every night I find him outside making all sorts of racket to get the dogs attention, only to then stand there and make faces at them. It gets so that the entire household is in an absolute uproar about all of the noise. Then just the other night, I heard noises coming from the kitchen, and when I went to check it out, there was Frank, standing in the kitchen, drumming the national anthem on the dirty dishes! In his under garments! I just gasped at the sight. Well, I packed him straight off to bed, let me tell you.
Be strong dear boy. Less than 6 months to go before youโre on your way back home. Keep your chin up and your ears clean. Make sure you stand up straight and donโt slouch. Bad posture has never helped anybody.
Most Sincerely,
Mabel Pendergasp
League for Dimensional Decorum
Image created by Mel Seeley in collaboration with Google Gemini.
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