Where to even begin? Let’s start with the positive shall we? The Invisible Friends Chronicles: Letters To The Entertainer is slowly nearing completion. The letters are finished and edited. Nearly all of the images are done and edited. The ‘real people’ character intros are so close to being finished. All that remains is finishing the Author intro, which is in the process being written by the Invisible Friends. We are just waiting for Alli May to get back from Disney World December 2016. The cameos are done and in the book. I have been working on getting the Invisible Friends character intros finished up as well. Then, all that should be left is the How to read this book section and the acknowledgements. Well, and the book cover. My hope, though, is to get these last pieces finished up and ready for submission by the end of September. God willing.
Now, the not good news. So, I’ve been struggling with pain in my back and a sciatica type pain for several months now. I tried stretches and exercises. I replaced the mattress on my bed. Added a pillow for lumbar support in my office chair. I even started looking with suspicion at my recliner since nothing that I tried seemed to be working. It would sometimes feel like it would improve for a short time and then return feeling even worse.
My ability to sleep diminished greatly and I turned to various methods to try and get a better night’s sleep. Nothing worked.
I finally broke down and spoke to a doctor about it about a month ago and an evaluation for physical therapy was made. But they couldn’t get me in for several weeks. My symptoms continued to escalate, eventually sending me to the emergency room in an effort to get some relief and sleep. Which let me just say real quick, going to the emergency room was not the help I expected them to be. An X-ray and a shot for pain isn’t anything more than an urgent care could have done. But I digress. After that, I went back to the primary doc.
Standing—or rather, attempting to stand—in the office that day, I had no idea what was wrong with me. All I knew was that something had to change and that I needed answers. Thankfully, the doctor could see that I was in significant pain and ordered an MRI. I never would have guessed where that MRI was going to lead.
By the time the day of the MRI arrived, I was walking with the assistance of a cane that I had ended up purchasing a few days prior when I couldn’t even make it walking through a grocery store without being draped over a grocery cart. Thankfully they were able to get clean images, despite the twitching that now accompanied my right leg. I limped out of the hospital that morning with no idea that my whole life was about to change.
The technician at the hospital told me that the results could take up to seventy two hours before we would see any results so I left with no expectations that I would be hearing anything for at least a few days. Less than four hours later, my phone rang. It was the doctor herself, calling with my results. Now, for those of you who are relatively healthy, let me just tell you something. In my unfortunately vast experience with doctors, when I have had a test done, the faster you get a callback and the higher the authority of the person calling, the worse the news they have. This day was no exception. Knowing this, I have reached a point in my life where when things like this happen, there is this brief moment when it’s almost like I step outside of myself and think, “Do I even want to know what they called me to say? Should I just hang up?” Of course the answer to that is always no, on both counts. No I don’t want to know what they have to say but hanging up isn’t going to make the problem go away either.
Knowing all of that unfortunately doesn’t make it any easier to receive that kind of news either though. Especially on this occasion. The MRI results came back suspicious for cancer, and not just any cancer, stage 4 metastatic cancer in some of the vertebrae in my lower back. My whole world just stopped.
That was eleven days ago. I couldn’t even begin to tell you the tumult of the thoughts and emotions that were going on in my mind that day. Even now, trying to articulate the sheer overload combined with the panic and frustration of still not having a solid answer tears me to the core. All I can say in this moment with any assurance is I know that no matter the outcome, I know that God is right here with me and that He will be here every step of the way.
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