Ugh, I just don’t know where to start today. I would love to pick up from where I left off about letting go of the things in our lives that don’t fit into our lives, but to be honest with you, I’m struggling with it today. I’ve been pushing through, day after day, working on this for the last few weeks; knowing that it was going to get worse before it got better. But today, I just got up and I just ran into that lack of progress like a brick wall. I looked around and all I could see was the chaos. And to be perfectly honest with you, I just wanted to throw in the towel. To just say, “I don’t want to and you can’t make me.”
For awhile, I kept trying to push through it. To find the spark of motivation to kick me back into high gear. Nothing. It was pushing lunchtime by this point and I was getting hungry. I hadn’t showered. Only two items had made it into my get rid of box and my motivation felt further away than ever. So I made a decision. I decided that it was time to take a step back and catch a breath. To reevaluate. So, I got in the shower. I don’t know about everybody else, but for me sometimes that’s the only place I can think.
As I stood under the spray, thoughts kept rolling through my mind. A few of them kept coming back to me over and over. ‘It’s always the darkest before the dawn.’ ‘The enemy fights you the hardest right before you get a breakthrough.’ The concept that kept playing, over and over in my mind boiled down to this. I am so close to a breakthrough point. So close I don’t even know how close I am. Because the enemy, the devil, wouldn’t be working so hard to discourage me if I weren’t. He knows that this is bigger than me just getting rid of a few things. This is about breaking through to a new place in life. This is about letting go of junk that has been holding me back, weighing me down and stopping me from moving forward into God’s best for me. Basically all things that the enemy of my soul doesn’t want. He wants me to give up. To walk away. To fail.
“It’s always the darkest before the dawn.”
I stepped out of that shower with a renewed mindset. Although I still didn’t feel full and overflowing with motivation, I did have a better attitude about moving forward and I felt solid about the importance of what I was trying to do.
‘The enemy fights you the hardest right before you get a breakthrough.’
I also recognized that there’s a difference between giving up and giving myself a little grace. Recognizing that as much as I want to get through everything, I still need to take time to take care of myself, eat lunch, work on my writing, even occasionally try to sit down and watch a movie with my kids. Basically, in a nutshell, I still need to give myself time to LIVE. So, for now, farewell. Tonight’s feature film is Justice League and I don’t want to miss it.
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